Mom Barlow is dying. We do not expect her to make it to June. Her body is beginning to shut down and the cancer to is making it impossible for her to eat or keep food down once she can eat it. She weighs 90 lbs. I feel like a horrible daughter because I cannot be around her without weeping. I can't really even have a conversation with her, it makes me so sad and I feel so guilty. I have been struggling a little as of late with a few issues in life and she called me the other day to see what she could do to help me. Talk about a wake up call to myself. My dying, sick mother wants to know what she can do for me.
She has asked Tracy to sing at her funeral. This is a hard thing to do in and of itself but then you add the fact that he is singing " I Often Go Walking" makes it even harder. We were trying to practice (at 11:30pm because it is the only time we are together in our house) and as we got to the second verse which goes "Oh Mother, I give you my love with each flower to give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through" He completely lost it and so did I. We tried to pull it together and try again but we could not get through it. I am not sure what we are going to do. She wants him to sing it so bad. It was the first song he ever sang in church on Mother's Day when he was 7. If he were not a florist I don't think it would be this hard. Flowers mean a lot to him and his mom. The last line is "I learn how to love them, dear mother, from you." How are we doing to do this? I think through this experience I have come to learn what the "refiners's fire" is. Wish us luck- it is going to be a tough couple of weeks.
p.s. the picture is of her at Christmas, 40 lbs ago, in her wedding dress. She gave us her dress. It is so gorgeous!!
5 comments:
Kris-
What a tender post. I have tears rolling down my cheeks. What a perfect song and I can see why she wants Tracy to sing it. I hope he can, it would be beautiful.
I am so sorry! I have been so caught up in my own life lately that I rarely think of the struggles other people are going through! I know that Tracy will get through this with pose and grace! That's the kind of guy he is!! We are thinking about you guys!
I'm sorry. Please tell Tracy I'm sorry too. Singing at mom's funeral was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it either. But my mom had specifically asked for the song I was singing and I ended up picking a spot on the wall right in front of me and singing to it. It worked clear until the last line of the song. I don't know if something like that will help Tracy, but I hope it will. Even though it was hard, I'm very grateful I was able to sing one last time for my mom.
Kris- what a sweet post. I got teary reading it. That song is beautiful, and I can only imagine how it would sound with Tracy singing! My mom had to speak at her mom's funeral last year and didn't think she could do it. She begged to get out of it, but as with Tracy, her mom had specifically asked for her. She said right before the funeral started, she felt her mom there with her and the most amazing peace. Hopefully there are tender mercies like that awaiting Tracy in that difficult moment.
Kristin, you and your family are in our prayers. We love you! The song has always been one of my favorites, so I understand! :)
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